we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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