I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
