i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
