remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
