apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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