Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
