I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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