He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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