I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
