my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
