i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
