D3 body, D1 cock
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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