can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
