Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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