if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
