I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bring me that man meat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
