nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
