16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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