My friends, they love my intelligence
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
