I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
