so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
