I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
