I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
