I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
