Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
