Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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