Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
