two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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