would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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