I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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