Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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