Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
