I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
