wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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