I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
