mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
