i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
