Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
