lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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