She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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