How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
