Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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