it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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