my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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