The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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