I wish I could punch you in the face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
