Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
