It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
