oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
