I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
