My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
