i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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