Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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