Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
