would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
