My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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