I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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