well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
