No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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