I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
